


We can have a lifetime

by prettysky



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, a birthday fic for my best pal sarah, death threats and all that jazz, reunion au, sanvers is the only endgame out there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-28 19:46:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16729581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettysky/pseuds/prettysky
Summary: "You can’t turn back the clock." Maggie finally said, and Alex realized that what happened can’t repeat itself. That there’s a very specific way from which they can proceed, and any other way was out of the question. She realized that this time, they have to do it better."But we can build a new one."\you know the drill.





	We can have a lifetime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sarah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah/gifts).



> I wrote this for sarah, my legend of a friend, who has a birthday today! they are amazing and kind, and i just wanted to write some sanvers endgame for their birthday, because it's what they deserve, and honestly, is there a better birthday present than to bring maggie back?
> 
> S, you're the best. happy birthday <3
> 
> *  
> *  
> (all mistakes are mine)

 

 

>   
>  LIFETIME  
>  n.: the longest amount of time that  
>  love can actually promise

 

 

 

 

Alex woke up in a jump, the alarm clock next to her bed beeping wildly. She reached out to turn it off, looking through troubled eyes at the time.

She had about ten minutes until she really has to get up.

She lay back on her pillow with a sigh, closing her eyes again. She didn’t like to feel or see how she was alone in bed, or how there was no one there but her, not in the shower, not in the kitchen, not anywhere, just she, alone. Her body tingled, as if it's craving for a body heat that she couldn’t stop longing for.

It took her time to get used to it. She hated the fact that she had to get used to it in the first place. It was like living inside a bad dream. She sighed again into the pillow, folding her legs to her chest, curling up into a ball.

She got up at last, starts getting ready for work. She turned on the loudest, most thundering, full of basses playlist in her ears. She needed something to fill her mind, distract her, so she wouldn’t get lost in thought. More than once she found tears in her eyes without even noticing, while doing the simplest activities. She decided she won’t give in to it again, and the guitars are roaring in her ears now.

Several months have passed since Maggie left. A time period that looked like an eternity, and she kept getting up to work every morning, fought hostile aliens beside her sister and the other agents, filled out orders and completed missions. Occasionally, when she managed to force herself, she even went to the bar with the rest of her friends, tried to drink and smile like everyone else, to fill the hole in her chest, a hole that seemed like it'd never close up.

But it wasn’t always so. Sometimes she felt she is, somehow, on her way to recovery. Like when a girl flirted with her and she managed to flirt back, or when she spent a whole evening talking and drinking with her friends and Maggie didn’t seem to engage her thoughts for a few moments of grace, and she could breathe out a sigh of relief. And sometimes, only sometimes, she tried to think of her future without Maggie in it, to make things better, but the thought was agonizing, confusing, and she couldn't make it clearer without sinking into bitterness, failing, time after time.

This morning it must’ve been one of the mornings when she felt bad, lonely and anxious. She didn’t cry, but the discomfort in her chest didn’t let her go, and she tried to breathe deeply again and again, to steady herself, to calm down. She did a longer than usual workout, took a very long shower, and went out to work.

She tried to distract herself all day. Activities, operations, meetings. Today was an inside day, one in which she didn’t have to fight anyone- except herself. It wasn’t a simple war. A huge orange Demeguar, full of spikes and tusks, might have been easier to fight.

You do realize this is the worst day of my life, right?

Alex tried to breathe deeply again. She was standing in a control room full of screens that showed the agents she commanded at the moment. This is not the time, she should command this exercise, make sure everything is in place, give orders. This is not the time to think about the break up that tore her to pieces, the one she never knew how to pick up and glue herself back from it.

But she couldn’t help but sink. It was her fault, after all. She did this to Maggie. Maggie, who got thrown out of the house at an early age, who was hated for who she is, for her truth. All her life she was alone, and Alex found her, they found each other. They fixed each other, decided to live together forever, and then-

But she wants to be a mom. Maggie didn’t. This is a simple equation, and she went through it dozens, if not hundreds of times. By herself, with Maggie, with Kara, even with J’onn or Winn a couple of times. She was always strong in calculations, in equations, and this one was remarkably clear. There was no way out for them.

The worst day of my life.

"Agent Danvers?"

"Yes, I'm here." She shook herself. She sinks again, and as she established to herself, this is not the time. "Eagle, do you copy, over," she said into the black communication device, looking at the screen.

"Eagle here, we're ready to go, over," came the response. Alex nodded formally.

"You have permission to get started. Good luck."

She could see them through the screens, watching a squad of agents training to a case of invasion, ready to speak to them if necessary, but she knew it wouldn’t be. They are skilled agents, she trained them herself.

I don’t care about the money. You know that.

Alex closed her eyes, a shiver passes through her. She can’t shake off the bitter, sour feeling that now envelops her as it did then, while she was helping Maggie pack her things, as they split their wedding presents. The feeling that still comes back to her, months later, when she thinks of her. The feeling that whispers in her ear ‘It’s your fault. You’re the reason she feels that way. Because of you, she experienced this terrible heartbreak, the worst day of her life. You did this to her. '

"Eagle, watch the snipers. Stick to the walls. Look out, eyes up," she said in a harsh, maybe too harsh voice, into the radio. She wanted to shake herself, to scream, to vomit, but she did none of these.

She wants kids.

But she wants Maggie too.

"Dead end, Danvers." said one of the agents beside her, pointing to the screen. She switched on the radio.

"Eagle, watch where you're going!" She said, almost shouting into the device. The lead agent jumped in alert to the shout, looking around. The agents on the screen looked around as well, and they proceeded to the other side, back where they came from. Alex sighed. Maybe they aren’t as talented and skilled as she thought. She continued to stare at the screen with a blank, serious face. The agents continued without more serious incidents, and fifteen minutes later they completed the route. Alex left the post, making her way to the cheering agents who came out of the exercise.

"Agent Danvers," one of the commanding officers announced, and the agents stretched to attention. She stood before them, her hands folded behind her back. She gave them a piercing, furious look.

She knew she shouldn’t be angry. She knew that her rage now wasn’t towards the agents, who did a good job. It’s about herself and her mistakes, from which there seems to be no turning back. She knew there was no reason for her to feel or act this way on this random morning, and yet she couldn’t get away from the fire in her chest.

"Good work, everyone. But not enough." Her voice was cold. "You have to be more alert, to take note of every obstacle on the way. We’re dealing with an unexpected enemy, an inhuman enemy. An enemy who’s holding on to forces that most of us can only dream of, they’ll know what you feel, and sometimes what you think, at any given moment. You need to increase each of your senses in a hundred percent, be as sharp and precise as possible." She stopped for a moment, her chin sharp and raised up. "You will do this exercise again tomorrow morning. You will be better, and whoever errs, will find themselves outside."

They didn’t dare to open their mouths at her blazing eyes.

"Am I clear?"

"Yes, Agent Danvers!" sounded a roar.

She turned to their commanding officer. "Make sure they're ready, otherwise it'll be on your head as well."

He nodded, and if he didn’t understand why she was so tough today, he didn’t dare to ask.

She walked out, her hands still behind her back.

*

"Alex?"

Kara's voice is weak, a bit frightened. Alex sat in her laboratory, checking for data on a new threatening species of a hostile creature. That, too, helped distract her, and she invested herself in work far more than she needed. J’onn said her outcomes had improved remarkably in the last few months, and she just nodded at him as he announced this to her, not meeting his eyes. He suddenly understood, and looked around quickly, making sure no one noticed when he wrapped her in a hug, breaking her stiff stance.

She felt Kara's cape fluttering behind her as she approached her, sitting on one of the chairs close to her. Alex finished writing the data in her sheet and then turned to look at her sister.

"How are you?" Kara smiled, maybe too cautiously. Alex let out a soft breath. She figured that someone had told her what happened this morning with the recruits. She nodded.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Alex turned to look back at the microscope, hoping Kara would understand that she was busy, and that she had no time or desire to speak, but Kara, stubborn as ever, put a careful hand on her knee.

Alex's eyes were still in the microscope but she couldn’t see anything. She felt Kara's hand on her knee, stinging, begging her to speak. She sighed loudly, leaning back. Kara's blue eyes were determined to help her, and she fidgeted with her fingers, staring at them.

"Bad day?"

Alex nodded. She discovered that there was a lump in her throat, and she knew that if she would take out one syllable, her eyes would fill with tears. She bit her lips, preventing her chin from trembling.

She misses Maggie so much. It burns her from the inside. She knows she have to get it out, she have to talk about it, she have to solve it. But she doesn’t dare, as if it would open an even bigger hole inside her.

"I think that if you cry, it might help." Kara whispered. Alex shook her head quickly. No one in this place can see her cry. Kara suddenly disappeared in a rustle, and Alex heard the lab door and the curtains covering the glass walls closing. They were alone, hidden, and Kara returned within two seconds to sit next to her. Alex dared to look up now, and Kara wrapped her in a hug.

"I don’t know how long I can hold on," she said, and found herself whimpering. "I can’t stop it, it kills me, and I- I miss her so much," She burst into tears again, and Kara's hand stroked her shoulder consolingly. "I've ruined it all, I ruined both of us, and I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve happened if I weren’t been so stubborn, or stupid, or- or- "

"Hey, stop it," Kara said, patting her back. "You're not stubborn, and you're not stupid. You're just a woman who wants to be a mother, that's something you know you want to be, and that's great. She just doesn’t want it like you. It doesn’t mean bad things about you, or about her, it’s just-"

"No, I loved her, Kara, I- I still love her." Alex wiped her eyes, but they continued to flow. She tried to breathe deeply, sniffling. "I gave up on her to be a mom, but... what if I made a mistake?"

Kara frowned, shaking her head. "I don’t think so. I mean, you know it's something you want, and you've talked about this. If you came to the conclusion that it's less important to you, you'd understand that by now, wouldn’t you?"

"Yes, but-" Alex closed her eyes, concentrating. "It's not that I changed my mind about being a mom. It's just that sometimes... in the days like today, I mean, I think to myself that maybe it's not so worth it. Maybe- maybe she's worth fighting for. Maybe I need to get her back."

Kara bit her lip. She sighed, looking around. "Alex, what you're going through is human, it makes sense. Every person after a break up like yours would feel like you, and I'm sure she too feel-" Kara stopped her tongue, closing her eyes. "What I'm trying to say is that on days like this, when you think maybe it wasn’t worth it, you might want to go back to her, and that’s not-" She stopped again.

Alex knew what she wanted to say. Kara shook her head, knowing too what her sister was thinking. "Look, all I'm trying to say is that you've been through it once, right? So unless you're one hundred percent sure you want her back, that you want her over children, you can’t go back to her. You need to keep going through what you're going through, for your wound to heal." She now held Alex's shoulders, looking into her eyes earnestly. "Do you understand me, Alex?"

Alex nodded. Of course she understands, she knows it. She knows it's the right thing to do. But what if she couldn’t hold herself? What if this process breaks her to pieces even more than it already had?

What if she’ll never get cured?

As if reading her thoughts, Kara wrapped her in a hug. "I'm here for you. For whatever you need."

Alex hugged her back, breathing deeply. She felt a little better, but not much. "Thank you."

*

She went on with her daily routine, day after day. She fought criminals and terrorists, and she ate chinese food with Kara and brainy and Nia and Lena and J’onn and she discovered new biological findings on new species of aliens, and fought more criminals and terrorists. She trained every day, improving her combat capabilities and performance. She got faster, sharper, she beat every agent who trained against her and became the best fighter the DEO had to offer. She defeated every hostile alien who tried to take control of the city, sometimes even without Kara at her side. She protected civilians, helped an alien family to hide from a group of haters, she gave shelter and hope and protected them with her body, and she came back home every day, exhausted from her body, exhausted from her brain.

She tried to meditate. Turn off her thoughts. Concentrate in the air, on breathing, on a white, shining, better feeling that was wrapping her. But with that feeling, with the bright light she was trying to imagine, came Maggie's face, laughing, glowing, like a knife stuck in her stomach. It was a sight that used to console her, reassure her, and now it did almost the opposite- disappointment, self-hatred, bitterness, filled her when she thought of Maggie. She tried to let go. She tried to ignore it.

She could ignore it as much as she wanted, but the truth was that she didn’t feel any better. Days passed, weeks, months. She tried to go out on dates. She went out with at least two or three women, and broke up with all of them after a few meetings. She always apologized to them so sincerely, wishing she could be with them from the bottom of her heart, saying clichés and being left alone, always alone, behind the slamming door.

She promised herself that she would manage on her own. That she can do it, that she can win whatever this is. She can go on alone, she can be happy and be a mother and be whatever she wants to be. But the longing for Maggie, for what she was with her, didn’t stop. She couldn’t defeat it, couldn’t restrain it.

But her problem wasn’t that she couldn’t stop thinking about Maggie. It was the idea that she wasn’t with Maggie, the idea that Maggie wasn’t with her, the idea that they wouldn’t live together forever as she thought, destroyed her from within. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do without Maggie in her life. To find someone else, a woman who would want kids? Should she adopt a child by herself? Months had passed, and she still found herself lost, hopeless, time after time.

After such a long time planning and thinking about the future, it was strange and painful trying not to.

*

Until one day, she saw her.

It was a normal Tuesday. She had gone over some important papers in the morning, had a brief training with some selected recruits, and chatted with Brainy in the lab, when her phone ringed in alarm, and she hurried to look at it. There was an attack downtown.

"Go," said Brainy, and she was out in two minutes, ready to attack and protect along with a whole squad under her command. They arrived within minutes, revealing a plaza full of destruction and frightened people. A group of armed men shot in all directions with large metal guns, laser beams splashing everywhere, hitting the stalls, the pillars, the buildings. Alex ordered her crew to get out of the truck, and they headed toward the group that stood dense as one. They were four or five, each heading in other direction, shooting relentlessly. Many policemen were already in the area, trying to hit the criminals with their simple pistols, without success.

"Supergirl, we need you here!" Alex called into the comms in her ear.

"There in a minute," she heard Kara's voice, and a sound of sudden wind as Kara took off.

They began to fight their way into the incident, agents and cops shooting one after the other, but there seemed to be something blocking the shots, like a big, invisible ball of defense that made all the bullets jump away from them. They continued firing laser shots at every object or person they encountered, trying to hurt as many people as possible, although most of the people had already escaped. Only the criminals stayed there, and a group of cops and agents who tried to hide and to break through the ball of shield. Alex looked past the bush she had hidden behind. The criminals were dressed in ordinary sweatshirts, but she saw green stripes on their faces and little spikes on each ear. A bunch of aliens, trying to terrorize the city. Alex groaned in frustration, directing another burst of shots and ducking again, a murderous laser beam missing her only by a few inches.

"Here's Supergirl!" She heard a shout. Kara landed on the floor with a loud hit, turning quickly toward the criminals. They fired at her with combined forces, and she evaded, flying through the air. She fired a laser beam from her eyes straight at them, aiming with all her might at the shield ball. It broke, and they all fell to the floor, confused.

"Come on!" Alex called to her agents, and they quickly grabbed the criminals, handcuffed them and picked up the laser guns. Several policemen and civilians come inside the arena and applauded enthusiastically, and Kara waved to them with a kind smile. She approached Alex, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It was easy, even too easy." She glanced at the aliens, who were cuffed and set in a police truck. "I wonder how they got such dangerous guns... The last time we saw guns like that, it was-"

"Lillian Luther’s, who’s now in jail." Said Kara. "I guess someone keeps making them. We need to look into it.”

"Yes, when we get back to the DEO." Alex sighed and looked around. Many policemen and passersby stood around, and a temporary fence surrounded the scene, which began to clear out. Alex patted on Kara's back as a goodbye and turned back to the truck, walking slowly, making sure there were no more attackers around. She was about to order her crew to follow her back to the DEO, when something caught her eye.

Or rather, someone.

A policewoman in brown, wavy hair, dressed in a bullet-proof vest. Talking to a few other policemen. Her arms folded across her chest.

She stood with her back to Alex, but Alex knew immediately that it was her.

Maggie.

Her heart stopped beating, literally, and Kara, who was standing not far away, signing to the fans, turned her head sharply. She hurried toward Alex, putting her hand on her shoulder.

"What is it? Your heart-"

"No, I'm fine. I'm out of here." She quickly dismissed. There’s no reason for her to turn to Maggie or to talk to her, and if Kara's words were true then, Maggie feels just as bad as she is, and a meeting between the two will only make things worse. It was quite surprising, she thought Maggie had left the country, but it turned out she was here, working for the National City police force, as if nothing had changed. Alex turned and signed to her crew to start moving back toward the truck. They began to get on the truck, and Alex remained last, looking to make sure all the agents had gone up. She took a last look back, without thinking.

Maggie was standing now where she was, with her arms still folded, but with her face to Alex. She looked straight at her, her eyes slightly wide. She bit her lip.

Alex's heart stopped again, either from fear or astonishment, or from the beauty that usually dazzled her so much, every time she looked at Maggie and again now, managed to make her throat tighten, to dry. She looked back at Maggie, and they both stared at each other from a distance, for the first time in months. Alex felt as if they were drinking each other, like they were months in a desert without water, and now suddenly, the rain was pouring on both of them from above.

Alex looked away for a second, finding Kara approaching her again, in a human speed now. Kara looked at Maggie, and at Alex again. She put a hand on her shoulder, a soft, comforting smile on her lips.

"Let’s go," she said quietly, encouraging Alex into the truck. Alex nodded, climbing up. She almost set on the low bench inside when a laser shot cut through the sky and hit a huge electric pole, and it began to fall heavily toward the crowd. People started to scream and run and Kara jumped up, catching the pole at the last second. Another laser beam was fired, and Alex hurried to look the other way. Two of the criminals stood there, loose, holding the laser guns. It wasn’t clear how they got out or how they got the laser guns back, and before Alex could look into it, they began to fire at Supergirl's direction to slow her down while they’re running away. Alex turned to shout orders to her agents, and in the corner of her eye she noticed Maggie, along with the other policemen, evacuating frightened civilians from the scene.

Her voice was stiff as she gave her orders. "A, go south, after Supergirl. B, scatter, find out if there are other threats. Baker, Jordan, look after the other aliens. The last thing we need is more escaped criminals with dangerous guns in their hands."

The agents scattered to her orders and she looked up at the sky. There was no sign for Kara, and she guessed they'd run a long way if she hadn’t caught them yet. Perhaps on the device that made the round protective layer there was something that helped them escape her. Alex began to run toward where they disappear, her rifle aimed forward. She walked into another street, which was a bit more empty. Most of the people fled, and only a few continued to walk around, looking for a hiding place. She helped them out of there, searching for clues or signs to the aliens, when she heard the sound of a weapon cocking behind her. She stepped her rifle, turning.

Maggie stood there, still in a bullet-proof vest, her pistol outstretched, pointing to the floor. She flinched a little from Alex's rifle stepping, and a blank expression on her face. She tried to smile a little, but her smile was crooked, incomplete.

"Danvers."

Alex lowered her rifle, nodding at her. "You've seen them?"

Maggie paused for a moment, studying her. "No. They told us to scatter and find them. I don’t think they went very far."

"Right."

They were silent for a few moments, and Kara suddenly appeared in the sky. She flew slowly, and seemed to survey the area with her x-ray vision. Alex followed her with her eyes.

"You found anything?" she said. Kara slowed a little.

"Not yet." She heard her voice through the comms. "They just disappeared. I can’t find them either by ear or eye. Do you think-"

"They have alien technology? could be. Also explains how they managed to escape and disappear now. Or maybe they have alien forces that helped them." Maggie kept looking around, but she didn’t move away.

"What's their motive?"

"I have no idea."

She was silent for a few moments, and suddenly they heard an explosion, not far from them. Alex didn’t think twice before she grabbed Maggie's arm and pulled her away, and they ran to hide in a nearby alley. They clung to the wall, panting. It took Alex a moment to realize that she was still gripping Maggie's arm, and she let go slowly, pulling her finger back to the trigger of her rifle.

Alex peered over the wall. The street was almost empty, and she could see smoke from a distance. She knew they were creating chaos with their laser guns, destroying and wrecking, and maybe even killing. Mercilessly. Shamelessly. Her face turned red, out of stress or anger, she didn’t know.

"J’onn, can you hear me?" She whispered into her comms. There was no answer. She sighed in frustration, returning her head back inside. Maggie stood up, her pistol still in her hand, ready for action. Alex closed her eyes, trying to concentrate. She needs to think of a plan.

"There’s an office building not far from here. We can go up there, to the third or fourth floor, watch the area from above."

Maggie shook her head. "It’ll take us too long. They’re armed, and we’ll be looking at a partial area. It’s not enough. In every moment we wait, they can go further, harm more people."

Alex wetted her lips. "What do you suggest?"

Maggie took a deep breath. "We have to get out of here, move on foot toward the explosion. They have to be there. We have to stop them.”

"You said it yourself, they're armed, it's too dangerous-"

"There's no other way. Do you want to stay here?"

"Of course not, but what if they ran away? We have to find them without them finding us. Do you have any other idea besides looking from above?"

Maggie blew out, closing her eyes. "You may be right. And you can stay here or go up to the office building. But I’m coming out to look for them." She began to move, waving her gun on alert.

Alex leaped forward, blocking her. "No."

Maggie stopped. "No?"

"No. It's dangerous, we have to stay here, think of a better plan."

"They hurt more and more people and getting farther away every second-"

"And it's our responsibility to catch them, and to stay alive." Alex stuck her finger down in the air, determined.

She didn’t know why she was doing this. If it was any other cop she wouldn’t blink twice before she’d let them go out and look for the aliens. After all, someone had to find them, and the chance of death was low - they were caught quite easily by Supergirl, which meant they didn’t have a strong plan, just to sow destruction and fear with the laser guns. It’s likely that every policeman will be smart enough to succeed and not be hit directly by their hands.

But Maggie? She's not just a cop. She’s... Alex didn’t know what she was. Ex-fiancé was scorching, and no other description suited her. She was just Maggie. Alex didn’t have to think much about what would happen to her if Maggie was in danger, how she would feel, what her actions would be, absolutely sure she would act out of the gut, uninhibited. Her gut was good, as she already knew, but what if she'll make a mistake? She knew it was dangerous, for both of them. She knew she had no chance of resisting to any sensible thought; she would jump in front of Maggie and take a bullet to make sure she was safe. She knew she couldn’t control herself.

Even after months apart, she discovered that time didn’t cure anything, it only increased the pain, until it boiled like acid in the stomach, threatening to go outside and squirt all over, and still burn. She found herself trembling with fear only from the thought that something would happen to Maggie, something that would make her lose her, this time forever.

Maggie frowned slightly. "Alex, you don’t..." She shook her head, eyebrows still knotted. "You can’t-"

"I know." The words came out of her in a whisper, and she took a breath, the silence around them growing louder. She felt her face soften. "I know, just... please, please don't go there. Let's think of another plan."

Maggie hesitated for a moment, then thrust her pistol back into its holster. "Okay."

Alex nodded and turned into the alley, looking for a small rock. She found one in a minute, starting to sketch the neighborhood structure on the floor. Maggie leaned beside her.

"Alex?" She heard J’onns voice through the comms. "You were looking for me? I'm sorry, I was on-"

"Never mind," Alex cut him, still sketching. "We’re on Crawford Avenue. Two escapees, apparently aliens, armed with laser guns. I think they have alien technology. Still haven’t hurt civilians, as far as I know, but they're on the loose. You should come.”

"I'm on my way."

Alex stood up, her drawing ready on the floor. Maggie folded her hands, looking.

"So we’re here, and the explosion came from here. What if we make a detour from this direction..."

They began to form a plan, speaking in a completely professional language, without inhibitions. Alex finally agreed to compromise on going outside, risking exposure, but carefully and full of detours. As they talked, it seemed to Alex that the connection between them hadn't faded since they separated. As if they have a forthright, absolute relationship, something that can’t wear out even after months apart. She felt as though, even if they come out of this day safely, and turned each one back to her life, years later, they would still be on the same frequency, always communicating better than any two people who can communicate. It was more than... a normal communication. Something about the way Maggie moved, listened, talked, while they planned their actions, something in the way they communicated with their eyes alone, made Alex think about what she has done, and not just how she hurt, but also, maybe, how she can fix.

Nothing from what they’d talked about then, many months ago, when they came to the conclusion they should break up, occurred to her now. Not the opposing hopes and dreams, not the kids, not the dangerous job they both have. Just Maggie, the only person who'd ever really known her, and the idea that if she wouldn’t see her ever again, she’s not sure she could go on with her life. No matter the obstacles that used to stand in their way, that still stands.

Alex rubbed her eyes, sighing, as they summarized the plan for the last time. Everything tired her, and she longed to leave, to go home and rest. She opened her eyes, finding Maggie looking at her, a tiny smile on her lips.

"What?"

"Nothing, you have-" Maggie cleared her throat in embarrassment. "You have a stain on your nose. Gunpowder or something."

Alex reached out, wiping. Maggie shook her head, her smile growing a little, and she guessed she'd missed it. Maggie moved a little closer to her, and Alex's heart started to race. She couldn’t control it. Almost instinctively, Maggie licked her thumb and held it out to Alex's nose, wiping the stain off her face.

"I'm going to get a lot dirtier today, if there will be a fight," Alex murmured, her heart still racing.

Maggie bit her lip, nodding. "Right."

It was stupid, said the air between them. There was no reason to do that. Why are we even here, in this dark alley, together, planning a plan to save the day when our we’re both heartbroken, one because of the other.

Alex had no answers. She looked at Maggie's eyes for a few seconds, finding that she wasn’t sure she even wanted any.

"Alex?"

Kara's voice sounded from the comms, making Alex jump.

"I’m here!" She said, perhaps too loud. "You found something?"

"I think so. But I don’t want to get in there without backup. If they have alien technology -

"-They may have kryptonite. Where are you?"

"Richardson and Forty."

"We'll be there in two minutes."

She looked at Maggie, who nodded at her.

"So the plan is canceled?"

"Supergirl found something."

They set off, with a gun drawn and a rifle loaded, eyes alert to be prepared for more threats that might harm them. Alex glanced at Maggie for a moment, with sweat shining on her forehead, breathing from her nose. She knew she was scared, she knew she’s doing small calming exercises whenever she felt fear, whenever she had to stay focused. She tried them on herself too now, finding that her heart rate had calmed down.

They moved forward cautiously, arriving in a few minutes to the corner where Kara was waiting, a large old warehouse with a steel door. Kara stood against the wall, her eyes closed. As they approached, she turned to look at them. She didn’t look surprised to find Maggie with Alex, but Alex didn’t have the time or the energy to discuss the situation. She moved quickly, standing beside Kara.

"I’m hearing something, like muffled sounds. It’s not clear but I think it's them. Everything is coated with lead so I can’t see inside too."

Alex nodded. "We can try getting in carefully. You think there’s a side entrance? Maybe I should call the other agen-"

"You're not gonna call anyone, sweetie," said a voice behind her, and they both turned around, revealing one of the aliens they'd been chasing after grabbing Maggie in a strong grip, holding a big knife to her neck. Maggie tried to breathe, but he held her too tightly, choking her. The alien waved his knife at Kara, his eyes wide.

"If I see your eyes glowing, she's dead. You heard me?”

"Yes," Kara said, holding out her hands. "Everything's okay, I won’t hurt you, just... just let her go and we can talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about!" He screamed. "I'll kill her! you hear me?"

Alex swallowed, shuddering. Maggie nodded to her weakly, trying to smile as she panted. He's crazy, he might hurt her, no matter what Alex and Kara will promise him. Alex felt her legs fails to hold her, collapsing, to this sight- Maggie, in the arms of a psycho alien, the one she’s watching over and protects every day, threatening to kill her, to cut her to pieces. Alex had no time to contemplate the irony, the injustice of this, she was only thinking about the next few seconds, and how she can keep Maggie alive for as long as possible. Her finger rested carefully on the trigger of her rifle, and she looked for weak spots, ones she could shoot at without harming Maggie. Something that would release her as quickly as possible.

"Please," she found herself saying, her voice trembling. "Let her go, she didn’t do anything-"

"She's a fucking cop, she did everything!" He kept screaming, waving his knife at Alex too. "Throw your gun away if you don’t want her to die! now!"

Alex clenched her jaw and hurried to throw her rifle aside, raising her hands in the air like Kara.

"Listen to me," Kara said in a calm voice. “Let her go. We won’t do anything to you, I promise, just let her go and we can talk. "

He blinked, panting, still gripping Maggie, who trembled in his grasp, her eyes closed. Alex swallowed again, afraid to blink, afraid to move a finger. She looked at Kara, and again at Maggie and the alien, trying to relax.

"Your friend, is he inside?" Kara asked.

"No. They killed him, your guys." His knife stung harder to Maggie's cheek, and she let out a whimper. "These fucking policemen shot him, like he was a prey. They're lucky I didn’t roast them on the spot with my laser gun." He shook Maggie again, his knife still close to her throat. She kept her eyes closed, her lip shaking, her hands on his arm, trying to loosen herself.

Kara took a deep breath, licking her lips. "Maggie, look at me." She murmured.

"Don’t look at her!"

"Everything will be alright, Maggie, look at me-"

"Don’t you fucking dare!!"

Maggie opened one eye, trying to look at Kara as he pushed the angle of her head hard. He held her so close to him that her sweating forehead touched the green stripes on his cheek. The two of them were still panting, and his eyes grew more frightened.

"I'm taking her away," he said. "Don’t follow me, don’t try to hurt me. I'm getting out of here-"

"Wait," Kara took a step forward. “Just wait. Whatever it is, we can fix it. If you just put the knife down and let her go, we can figure out how to solve this. No guns, no superpowers, just me and you. I promise I won’t hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, if you just do as I ask.”

Alex's chin kept on tremble as her eyes stayed fixed on the knife. What if he moved it another inch dipper, another inch further, what if he wouldn’t listen to Kara, what will happen if Maggie would try to break free by force. Alex’s mind rattle with dread, heavy with fear.

She looked from the knife to Maggie's forehead, which she tried to wipe without him to notice. Between the paralyzing fear and anxiety, she noticed something. A faded, striped green color on Maggie’s forehead. Another look at the alien's cheek, and the stripes that had been there a few minutes ago had faded too.

He wasn’t an alien, Alex realized. He's an impostor. He has a knife, but he's a human, just like her. She didn’t dare to say a word, afraid of anything that might lead him to go crazy and finally stick the knife in Maggie's throat.

"You don’t want to do this," Kara said, moving a little closer. "Give me the knife."

"You know what, I'm killing her now." He shook his head, his jaw clenching. "I won’t take her away, I'll let the two of you watch, and you-"

"Wait! just, just hold on, please," Alex's voice quavered, her hands stretched in front of her. "Let me… I need to say something."

Her eyes fixed on Maggie's eyes. Maggie struggled to draw air as his grip tightened on her throat. Alex didn’t know what she wanted to say, she only knew she couldn’t let Maggie die just like that, without knowing that Alex would do anything to turn the clock back, to be with her just a little bit longer. She knew that if Maggie will die today, she’ll never forgive herself. That she hadn’t saved her, that she hadn’t told her what she felt. That she didn’t fix them in time.

"Maggie, I..."

Her speech was interrupted by a tall figure in a cape who stormed at the criminal from above, grabbing his knife holding arm. The Martian grabbed both of the impostor's hands behind his back, seizing him tightly. Maggie fell on the ground, fleeting.

Kara breathed a sigh of relief and he nodded to her, reaching for the criminal's cheek. 

"Don't hurt him," she said, but he wiped it hard, leaving it smeared with paint.

"If you or your friends try ever again to pretend to be aliens and give them a bad name, you will have to deal not only with me, but also with Supergirl, and with any other alien in this city. Do you understand me?” said J’onn. The man nodded, bursting into tears.

Alex didn’t care about anything that happened, all she could see was Maggie, lying on the floor, trembling convulsively. She fell beside her, gathering her in a tight embrace. Maggie held on to her, breathing air in big gulps, a whimper after whimper bursting out of her mouth between breaths.

"Hey, you're alright, you're alright." Alex felt her throat tighten and loosen, and she tried to breathe too, without success. They both gasped, Maggie grabbing Alex's shoulder, in her leather-trimmed suit, burying her head in her chest, sobbing.

Alex ran a hand over Maggie's back, letting the tears cover her cheeks. It could’ve ended so much worse. She could’ve lost her forever, and now the results of what she had done, months ago, had risen before her eyes again, and she watched Maggie's hair spilling on her back as she tried to relax.

She made a mistake. A mistake that she could fix, but she just couldn’t let herself find how. It was so simple, but only a freak disguised as an alien who put a knife to Maggie's throat helped her see the picture clearly.

She can’t afford to live without Maggie. It would destroy her from the inside, it would empty her, and she'd better not try to live a life like that. Maggie took a deep breath, still in her arms, raising her head for a moment.

"You're alright," Alex whispered again, as policemen and agents began circling the scene. Alex saw nothing but Maggie's eyes, sparkling with tears. Their faces were just inches apart, but Alex didn’t feel her heart fluttering, it was... calm. peaceful. She felt immense relief, with Maggie alive and well, in her arms.

"I can’t ..." Maggie suddenly shook herself. "I'm sorry, I have to go," She released herself gently from Alex's grasp, trying to get up. Alex watched her rise, rushing to wipe her face.

"Wait," Alex said. Maggie stopped, but didn’t look at Alex's face. She had redness on her cheeks and she closed her eyes, wiping her wet face.

"Thanks for helping me, I-"

"I didn’t do anything, it's J’onn."

"I'll thank him." She nodded. "But I... I can’t- I can’t afford to get any closer to you like that again." She still didn’t look at Alex's face. "You know that, and you can’t-"

"I can." Alex heard herself say. She felt as though she was acting out of a part of herself that wasn’t there before, or that was, and she simply didn’t let it out. It washed her with waves of fire, and reached out a hand, gently grabbing Maggie's shoulder. Maggie didn’t flinch, and even softened for a moment, as if to stop herself from leaning into the touch.

"If there is something I can’t afford myself to do, it’s losing you again." Alex's voice was calm, and she knew it was the right thing to do now. For the first in a long time, she felt relieved, confident. She tried looking at Maggie's eyes, which still refused to look back at her. "You could’ve died, and when I think about it, we both could die, any minute, every day. Like you said, our job is dangerous. And I... I knew that, of course, but what I didn’t understand was that I would rather not live at all, if it means I won’t live with you, every moment I'm still here." She took a deep breath, her hand falling slightly from Maggie's shoulder to her palm, holding it.

"Maggie..." The words came out of her slowly, one by one, calculated. "I feel like I made a mistake when I decided to break up with you, when I decided that there was something in this whole world that I would want over you. I guess I was hurting, when I realized I'm not gonna have everything I've ever wanted at once, that I have to choose. and maybe pain, pain is something that makes us make wrong decisions. I know we talked about it, countless of times, we didn’t make this decision lightly, but what I went through in the last few hours, and to be honest, in the last few months, made me realize that I was wrong. That there’s no child that would make me choose them over you. You're all I need to feel alive. To feel... myself again."

The tears returned to Maggie's face, and she finally looked at Alex. Alex could see her faded freckles, the thin line above the eyebrow, a scar from a bullet that scratched her once, the jawline that sharpened as she lifted her head. Alex swallowed, a bit worried for a moment, that maybe she was making a mistake again. Or that the mistake she made then was too fateful and perhaps after all, she won’t be able to fix it. Their hands were still intertwined, and she looked down at them.

"I want kids, this hasn’t changed. But I'm not going to give up on you, on what we can be, for that. You're more important to me than anything else in the world, and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out." She closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry for what I made you go through. You didn’t deserve it."

Maggie looked around, slowly drawing her hand back. Alex felt the warm touch scatter in the wind, and her hand remained cold. She ran it over the back of her neck as Maggie closed her eyes too, sighing.

She went through so much. Not only today, but especially today. She almost died. Alex remembered how two or three years ago, after Maggie was shot by some other alien, how she got hit in the shoulder, how she came to Alex’s doorstep, telling her that if they want, they don’t have time to waste. The words echoed in Alex's mind as Maggie thought with her eyes closed.

"What are you saying here, Alex? You want to come back?"

"I don’t know, I... I think so. I mean, the past few months have been..."

"Horror." Maggie completed, and Alex nodded. There was a thin smile on both lips, but they didn’t share a look.

"So what are we going to do?"

Alex bit her lip, and Maggie looked up again, this time more steady, more confident. Alex felt frightened, yet she never felt safer.

"We can talk. Try. I mean, I’ll understand if you won’t agree, or won’t want to. It wasn’t easy, what we’ve been through. But... I promised you. I promised you a lifetime of memories, of firsts, and I asked you to be mine forever, and... I still want to. I never stopped wanting. I want to comply with everything I promised. I want us to have what we wanted. We can have a lifetime, of everything we wanted. " She paused for a moment, sniffling. "If you’ll agree." She added in a whisper.

Maggie was silent, rubbing her shoe on the floor as she thought. Alex noticed that she was still shivering a little, from the cold, or from the sharp knife that had been pinned to her neck until a few moments ago, the knife which made Alex realize that she couldn’t go on like this in her life, keep on hurt a pain she didn’t know how to fix. Alex held herself from stepping forward and wrap Maggie to warm her.

"You can’t turn back the clock." Maggie finally said, and Alex realized that what happened can’t repeat itself. That there’s a very specific way from which they can proceed, and any other way was out of the question. She realized that this time, they have to do it better.

"But we can build a new one."

A thin smile came over Maggie's lips again, and it widened slightly as their eyes met. There were a hustle and bustle around, security and police teams, DEO agents and passersby, all of them walking around after the incident, not looking at them at all. Maggie's hand reached out to Alex's arm, squeezed it a little. Alex felt her heart warming.

"I guess it's possible."

Alex bit her lip. "I'm sorry," she said again.

Maggie nodded. "I know."

Alex paused for a moment. "Do you forgive me?" She said finally.

Maggie still had a slight smile on her face as she spoke, becoming a bigger, wider smirk. "Maybe."

Alex raised an eyebrow, an involuntary smile on her face, and Maggie slowly began to walk away backward, still facing Alex. They kept looking at each other, and Alex felt a spark of hope, of anticipation, to what the future may hold. Maggie’s eyes shone at her for a moment, and she knew that this is what a second chance feels like. 

"You have my number," she said, still smirking.

Alex nodded, watching her walking away. She looked at her until she turned, until she went to the rest of the cops who stood there, until she got into one of the patrol cars and drove away, until she was gone.

A hand was placed on her shoulder, and she turned to look at Kara.

"So?"

Alex sighed, smiling. "Nothing will be fixed by itself, without me fixing it."

Kara didn’t answer, just looked at her, eyebrow raised.

"So I'm going to fix it. I can fix it. I can do anything.”

Kara smiled and wrapped her in a hug, squeezing a little harder than usual.

"I know you can."

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me in bilerleigh (tumblr) or bilerleighs (twitter) and if you wanna go say happy birthday to sarah they're haughtsdanvers on tumblr and yazlezzie on twitter.
> 
> thank you for reading, and sanvers endgame :)


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